Captain Me Planet

Last night, at dusk, I saw the children out the front windows.  They were all three deeply ensconced in some imaginary world.  They were each either flying, with arms flapping in slow mo, or swimming, with breath held, cheeks puffed out, and hands, slicing their way through the water I couldn’t see.

It was awesome.

Just had to say something nice, because really, this being a mother rocks. 

 

Today’s excerpt from my 5 year old’s brain?

overheard in Private 2’s room…

Stooooop,  I said, stooooooop.   Mooooooooooom, he won’t stoooooooop.  Crash.  Bang.  Smash.  Based on the previous post, I probably don’t need to continue here. 

I handle this in my usual, calm demeanor.  What the?  Whaaa is going on in here?  What is that banging, 3, what the flip flop (we do say flip flop, not the "f" word) are you doing?

The informer, Private Girly steps up.  Mooooom, I’ve been teeeliiiing him, and he won’t liiiiiiisten to me, I told him and told him, and just kept doing it! 

What, oh dear calm and patient one, what praytell did you tell him?

 

That he can’t keep coming around, running in and out of the cord to my ProjectaScope, that he can’t run by it and bang it and knock off focus, because then I have to start aaaallllll over!  He keeps dooooooiiiiing it!

To which I say, 3?  Did you do this repeatedly, when she asked you not to?  Um, yes.  And did you at least apologize just now as you know you should whenever you provoke your sister?

No.

And why not?

Because I did the first time I knocked it over. 

 

 

in which, I feel I must be going mad.  It’s been busy around here, the Colonel overloaded.  The kind of overload to agree to for the money, oh, we’ll pay of this, we’ll get that, and then you find yourself wrung out and thinking you were stupid.  Colonel being busy, to which I agreed, means Captain Mom is on her own with the privates.  Every. hour. of. every. day.

And today, it may mean they meet their maker.

I have. had. it. with them.  And they aren’t even being bad.  Just constant.  Constant noise.  Constant needs.  Constant desiring nutrition and clean clothing.  Today, it’s like nails on a chalkboard.  Sandpaper in my eyeball.  Just go on and back the car over me now.  The Colonel even left the truck.  It’s heavier than the MPV.  Oughta work out fine.

Upstairs.  slam, bang, run run run, thump whack thud.  Scream. Hysterical laughing.  Door slamming.  Nooooooooooooo, doooooonnnnnn’t.  That’s miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!  Stop stop stop, I’m telling mooooooommmmmmm, run, laugh, cry, you hit me, did not, you meant to, did not,  I wanna try, I wanna try, no I wanna try, no I wanna try.  That hurt.  I told you.  No you did not. Scream scream run run, thud thump whump whack.

Want some more?  I’ve got more. 

Private 3 decides to bring the fun downstairs.  With 2 small kitty figurines.  

The scene: Private 3 trying to balance the kitties on the edge of the bar, back feet on, front feet off.

The outcome: Constant dropping, clinking, clunking while I fill out the Title forms for the DMV, for our new car.  He tried again to defy the odds of gravity.  Over and over and over.

Next scene:  Me, calmly telling Private 3, you must stop doing that now, while he holds one tiny plastic kitty on the edge of the counter again, it’s making too much noise. 

The outcome:  Clunk, clink, chunk as a plastic kitty nose dives to the hardwood floor again.  I thump Private 3’s head.  Oooowwwwwwww, why did you dooooooo thaaaaaaaaat?  You did it AGAIN.  AGAIN.  I just said not to do that!  What did I say, huh, tell me, what did I just say?

His reply:  Ooooh, I thought you meant the other kitty.  This one has a purple bow. 

Today, just might be the end of me.  THE END OF ME.  Send my husband covered dishes after the memorial.  He really doesn’t know how to cook. 

then a happy day to you.  One day late.

My day of honor started out like this:

Sounds slowly infiltrating my brain, that had been resting so beautifully under the sun streaming in the window, bouncing off the rippling waters of Lake Lure.  Sounds that rose in a cacophony, mosquito like in quality, when the bug gets closer and closer to your ear before it dawns that you are indeed about to be bit…I was there, no you weren’t, yes I was, no I was, that’s my spot, I want to be by Mommy, but I was, it’s my spot, no it’s mine, no it’s not, yes it is, no it’s not, move, no, yes, no…

…our two youngest, arguing over who could crawl in bed and rest by me on one of the 3 days a year I get to sleep in with NO guilt.  So, naturally, I handled it thusly:

Do you realize, I began so calmly, that in your effort to bless me with your sweet little selves, you’ve managed to WAKE ME UP to the sounds of bicker bicker bicker?  On one of only 3 days I get to sleep in with no latent guilt of not doing my job of tending to your every need and desire, while the good Lord above works the kinks of selfishness out of me, by giving you to me, so that I  must never think of myself, or that I may be tired, or would like to pee without telling you how many rings Saturn has, or how nice an actual hot cup of coffee would be, instead of the repeatedly nuked one I always have because I get your seconds and thirds of breakfast first, or about how you get all the new clothes, and took my beautiful belly button far far away to never be the same, and how you are convinced that you are each planets about which I was created to spin…GO AWAY.

So.  They did.  But then, I couldn’t go back to sleep.  Drat.

We ate breakfast out.  I did not cook.  Or clean the dishes.  For that, I am grateful.  We drove home from the lake.  Without our friend’s very whiny spoiled and grating precocious 3 year old.  Very grateful here.  And at home, although I cooked something because it was just what I wanted for dinner, the Colonel and our Privates did their best to serve me.  I received 3 fantastic presents, and they did mess duty.  The Colonel took full charge of bed time, and the day came to a close.  And although he stayed up till 3 am working, he made sure the kitchen was clean when I came down this morning.

A good man, he is.  And I’m glad, if I have to learn that the world does not spin around me, that I can do it with him, and these 3 character builders, called children, who qualified me to have such a day, in the first place. 

The mixture of Goo Gone and Melaleuca’s PreSpot, removed the washed in, dried in sugarless grape bubblegum.  And saved Private 2’s little life. 

It also removed all the dried on bubblegum in my dryer, that wall all over the barrel, and in the lint trap.  Fun time here, that was. 

And on the poked with scissors eyeball of our 5 year old?  Seems to only be a nice red spot.  Should heal on it’s own, right? 

 

note:  On Melaleuca…I DO NOT get into these types of businesses.  I am wary of any product line that will need to be sold to the "friends and family" you already have.  But my dear friend Shelli convinced me to just let her put me in her rep line, I signed on to buy their stuff, and I really, really like it.  If you have a desperate stain, and want to try PreSpot, I’ll connect you with her.  I’m not selling, just buying.  She is wonderful, and these products actually are very very good.  I figured that bubblegum was going ot KO our new spring/summer clothing, and the Goo Gone did not do it by itself, as it said it would. 

I’ll also vouch for their SPF lip balm, and Relief Lotion.  Good Stuff. 

In the last hour, I discovered Private 2 had left her sugarless (naturally) grape bubblegum in the pants of her pockets.  And discovered it after the clothes were dry.  And spotted in sugarless grape bubblegum.  And the walls of the dryer gooped with sugarless grape bubblegum.  And this was a load of brand new clothes, just purchased last week.  And while I was assessing and containing the damage, Private 3 poked his eye with the scissors.

Yes.  I know I should empty all pockets.  But I’m doing good to even run the wash regulary, preventing massive back up.  And yes, I know a 5 year old should not have a big pair of scissors.  I told him no.  So what do I do, add spanking to the red blood vessel break in his eyeball?  I did say I told you so. 

 

 

Not all on the original list is being done, because the gaping hole in our floor is being repaired with the help of our dear friend.  When a friend calls, you say, YES!  I’m ready to work on that, even if you had another agenda.

The pics telling the ghastly story are here…after the disco, the eggs, and the Karate belt. It’s the picture of the GAPING hole, beside my fridge. 

Anyway, so that is being handled, and a couple of other lesser issues are not.  But that is all good.  We’re all about flexible.  Just let it be known that I am nearly through with my trim work paint list.  Just half a doorway, and a front door to go, baby.  I. am. on. it.  

That, and I found the sweetest shelves for Private Girly…